Bring Me To Life
by SimplyRessa
Summary: Carly's drowning...who will bring her to life?


I know it's wrong, I know he's my husband's enemy. I know I shouldn't feel about him the way I do. I know this. I've said it to myself so much it's become a mantra of sorts. I tell myself constantly to stay away from him, keep my family in the forefront of my mind...my mind, what a joke. I lose my mind when I'm around him...or maybe I regain it, I'm not exactly sure yet. All I know is when I'm around him I feel something I haven't felt in years...Alive.  
  
_**How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
leading you down into my core  
where I've become so numb  
without a soul  
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold   
until you find it there and lead it back home**_  
  
The whole time I was in my coma I dreamed of him. I could feel him around me; in everything I said and did. I will never tell anyone but I knew he was at my bedside, waiting for me to wake up. Patiently waiting, knowing I'd find my way back home...to him as long as he held my hand and let his voice lead me back to life. It actually worked. I came back and the first person I saw was the only person I wanted to see and I smiled...and they saw.   
  
_**(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become**_  
  
I can see the concern in Jason's eyes when he looks at me now, like he's waiting for me to run for the door at any moment. Somehow he knows. Jason always knows and that's what I can't understand. He knows me better then just about anyone. Why can't he see I'm drowning here with Sonny? Why is he pressing me so hard to fight for something he has to see is so damaged? I don't WANT to think it, especially about my best friend...but is this some sick sort of revenge for what we did to him? Convincing me to stay with Sonny? Giving me what I thought I wanted until I choke on it? Well look Jase, I'm choking...I'm drowning and I think I'm going down for the third time.   
  
I pull my jacket tighter around me as the snow falls harder. I'm freezing but I can't go home to him...yet. I can't go back into my life and pretend to feel something I don't...not yet. The awful truth is it's not the gunshot...sure a bullet to the brain is a great excuse but it's like I've been brain dead long before he shot me. I lost myself so long ago. My spirit has been battered daily. I try so hard to suppress so much of who I am because our penthouse isn't big enough for my demons and his. I still have the spark of a fighter...I think. No I still have it. I must because I fight daily just for a place in my own life.  
  
I feel him coming up behind me and I stiffen instantly even though on the inside I'm starting to warm. Just being near him brings me to life. I can feel my mouth starting to twist into a smirk that I hope he doesn't see...or does see. I'm not sure yet.  
  
Lorenzo: Carly, you're crying.   
  
I laugh: Is that something new?   
  
Lorenzo: What did Corinthos do to you?  
  
I quickly go on the defensive: Nothing.   
  
Lorenzo: He doesn't deserve your loyalty.  
  
I smirk: And you do?  
  
Lorenzo smirks: No. I'm under no chimera that I deserve anything from you. I simply wish to make you happy, make you count for the woman you are. The woman I see being suppressed under Corinthos's version of love.  
  
He is so infuriating. I practically shout: You don't KNOW me Lorenzo. I told you on the yacht, I've told you in your apartment and I've told you in this very spot not that long ago, I'm not the woman you think I am. I lie, I can be a royal bitch when I don't get my way, I'm selfish, I'm...  
  
Lorenzo: Incredible.   
  
Now I'm not sure who I'm really fighting more, him...or myself: What is it gonna take huh? What do I have to do to get through to you?   
  
Lorenzo: Kiss me. You feel nothing? Alright.  
  
I laugh quickly: I'm not kissing you.   
  
Lorenzo: Why not? I mean nothing to you. What's one kiss?  
  
I give a mini scream then grab him kissing him hard. He holds the back of my head in place as he continues the kiss, slipping his tongue inside my parted mouth. Now I'm really drowning...in a good way. It scares me to death. I start to protest. I snatch away from him and put a hand to my mouth, my breathing ragged. Lorenzo breathes deeply still tasting me on his lips I'm sure.   
  
Lorenzo: Don't tell me you didn't feel anything Carly.   
  
My mouth opens and closes to deny but no sound comes out. I turn back to the water.   
  
Lorenzo: Fine. I'll leave you in peace. Usted tiene mi corazón, si usted lo desea. (You have my heart, if you want it)  
  
I hear his footsteps starting to walk away from me and it wakes my sleeping soul. I scream out for him in a voice so strong and powerful I barely recognize it.   
  
Don't leave me!  
  
I say it strongly, not weak and pleading as I usually am with Sonny.   
  
_**Now that I know what I'm without  
you can't just leave me  
breathe into me and make me real  
bring me to life**_  
  
In an instant he's back and I'm wrapped in his powerful arms. I cling to him crying, knowing what I'm about to do will destroy the only family I've really known. Why can't I hate him? He's cost me and my family so much, Jason and Courtney their child, Sonny his sanity, and me my...maybe that's why I don't hate him. Maybe for ME he's given back more then he's taken.   
  
**_(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become_**  
  
He's raining kisses on my hair and face as my thoughts race a mile a minute. The grin on his face is so big, like a man who's won the lottery. Not that I feel like I'm a prize. I come with a helluva lot of baggage. I know I'm selfish. I know I shouldn't want to feel the way I do when I'm with him. I know my place is with Sonny and Michael and now Morgan. I know I'm ruining that but I just can't keep giving everything to something I know isn't right. It's not fair to any of us...especially my boys. I don't want them thinking a woman is something that needs to be broken, trained to want what they want, feel how they feel. I want them to see me **ALIVE** not existing.   
  
_**Bring me to life   
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)  
Bring me to life**_  
  
He's staring at me now: What's wrong?  
  
I shake my head: Nothing.  
  
Lorenzo: You can talk to me Carly. You can say whatever you want, when you want. I offer you freedom with me.   
  
I sigh and he realizes: Your children.   
  
I nod: He will never let me take them from him.   
  
Lorenzo: Do you trust me?  
  
I shake my head again: No. Not yet.   
  
Lorenzo: Fair enough. I promise you this though, I will not let you be separated from your children.  
  
I stare at him hard: I don't love Sonny anymore but he is the father of my children. I won't let you hurt him.   
  
Lorenzo: I won't unless it's necessary. It may come down to a choice Carly. I know you realize that.  
  
I feel a chill: Then I'll stay with him. I can't...can't be the reason he dies.  
  
Lorenzo: And I can't leave you to die with him.   
  
**_Frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead_**  
  
I smile slightly: So what about being my boy on the side?  
  
He doesn't smile back: I'm not a boy and I refuse to share.   
  
I nod and look off: I know.  
  
Lorenzo serious: I've been without love for so long Carly and I know I can continue that way. If you can walk away from me tonight and never look back...do it.   
  
I see the truth in his words and I know it's not my place...not my job to breathe life into his soul. I have a husband at home who's in need of that and lord knows I've been blowing air into his lungs so long I'm losing my own breath. Lorenzo is different though. I breathe in and he breathes out, I breathe out and he breathes in. It's not one sided and I don't want him walking through life without me, my love; I don't want him closing off what I see as a beautiful heart, not when he's finally opened it again. No I'm not delusional. I know who he is and what he does. I know clearly how he operates having been a pawn in a game he was playing with my husband. He's ruthless and he's incredibly clever...a dangerous combination. I don't have any delusions that I'm going to save him...for once I don't have to save anyone and I can tell he won't try to save me. He'll teach me how to save myself. Finally I'll have a partner...if I go with him.  
  
**_all this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
got to open my eyes to everything  
without a thought without a voice without a soul  
don't let me die here  
there must be something more  
bring me to life  
  
(Wake me up)  
Wake me up inside  
(I can't wake up)  
Wake me up inside  
(Save me)  
call my name and save me from the dark  
(Wake me up)  
bid my blood to run  
(I can't wake up)  
before I come undone  
(Save me)  
save me from the nothing I've become  
  
(Bring me to life)  
I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside   
(Bring me to life)_**

lyrics: Bring Me To Life by Evanescence 


End file.
